I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
