please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
