I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
