Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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