Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
