Define "chronic" masturbator.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
