Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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