the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Where is the hickey?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
