I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
