I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
