Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Still dying that you shit outside
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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