I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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