So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
