so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
