you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
