Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
