Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
