Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
