anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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