A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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