Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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