I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
