I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Randomize
