So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
