you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she smelled like a LAN party
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
