I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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