Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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