how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
birth control should be required to get into college
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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