I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
