We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
