xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
