It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
