You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
