how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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