Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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