NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
