i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think people are normalizing furries
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
