i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
