Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
