totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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