Pappa wants mamma naked
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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