I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
