Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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