the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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