There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
