u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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