we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
there is glitter all over my balls
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
