We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
