Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
