Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
